TRANSCRIPT
[0:03] Here we go. Starting to figure out how to do this show. On my desk there is a Dilbert calendar. A printed Dilbert calendar. Today's strip though — if you've ever seen Dilbert you know it's three beats. Beat One. Beat Two. Punch!
Two people in the office.
“Would you rather eat garbage or listen to our boss talk about his weekend?”
“I have to know more about the garbage to make that decision.”
“Well, let's say it's mostly kitchen stuff. Am I eating it from the can or fighting birds for it?”
That's pretty good. Here's the thing.
The show is called Writing For Spoken Word, not Writing For Writing. If you're writing for writing, this is probably fine. Except there is a typo in fighting. There's no T. I'm just saying. Scott!
Let's just break this down.
Beat One — remember writing for speaking —
“Would you rather eat garbage or listen to our boss talk about his weekend?”
No problem. Fair question.
Beat Two.
“I'd have to know more about the garbage to make that decision.”
That is poor.
[1:17] All he has to say is:
“I'd have to know more about the garbage.”
That's it.
When you get good at writing for speaking, you can't unsee extra words.
[1:35] Beat Two, as written:
“I'd have to know more about the garbage to make that decision.”
It's better in writing and speaking if you just say:
“I have to know more about the garbage.”
You don't need:
“…to make that decision.”
That doesn't need to be there. Just drop those four words.
If you insist on keeping them, put them at the front of Beat Two, and end with the word “garbage”. End with the punch!
The best version is simply:
“I'd have to know more about the garbage.”
You got everything you need to move on to Beat Three. But if you insist, you would say it this way:
“To make that decision [short beat] I'd have to know more about the garbage.”
[2:29] You put “to make that decision” in the front and you end with “garbage.”
You don't reveal the meaning of the sentence until the end.
[2:38] You save “garbage” for the last word in that sentence.
It's kind of fun to go:
“To make that decision — [take a beat] — I'd have to know more about the garbage.”
You can have fun with that. I could go along with that. I still say…
“I'd have to know more about the garbage.”
…is optimal.
[3:09] Beat Three:
“Am I eating it from the can or fighting birds for it?”
You can speak that punchline a couple of ways. You could do it the way it's there. But, as a spoken word artist, you would test that. You would test it at your Toastmaster Club. You would test it in a comedy club. You would test it on an engineering friend who's a good analyst, right? You'd — just any warm body in a room. Just sit them down, and you can tell by the look in their eyes, the best version, right?
[3:46] You could just say,
“Am I eating it from the can…”
Get a reaction. Take a beat,
“…or fighting birds for it?
If there's a laugh after saying…
“…eating it from the can…”
…you take that laugh, and tag it with,
“…or fighting birds for it?”
And get another laugh.
[4:01] Music.
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